CHILDREN LIVE WHAT THEY LEARN
My brother is one of the most phenomenal men that I know, and I am not just saying that, because he is my brother. Anyone who has spent more than one minute in presence will attest to this. He is the most unassuming person who operates in quiet confidence and grace. He speaks very little, but when he does his words are weighted in wisdom. His charitable personality is only surpassed by his love for his family. Seriously, he is the gold standard of what a man should be.
Unbeknownst to many, outside of our family, he is also somewhat of a prankster and practical joker. It was my brother's task to drive me to school every morning on his way to work. According to him, his payment for this task was that I would have to sing for him. It was my job to entertain him, in exchange for the ride to school. So, everyone who has to “endure” my marathon singing on road trips, you now know who to blame.
Our routine was so automated, it was almost robotic. We would get up, bathe, have breakfast, get dressed, grab our bags and jump in his car. Seat belts engaged, open the gate and pull out of the driveway. But as the gate closed behind us and the car touched the asphalt, a transformation occurred. It was almost spiritual, we transformed into Club Horton and the party would begin.
My brother played a myriad of genres, but it was mostly rap music. One of his favorite songs was Self Destruction. I cannot tell you how many times, I have listened to this song, but it is so ingrained in my psyche that I only need to hear the opening beat and the words come running back to my memory. But it wasn’t just enough to sing the song, oh no I had to have dance moves and animation. This was a full-on Broadway caliber show. Again, if you have ever taken a road trip with me, now you understand, lol. Those rides to School every morning were some of the best moments of my life.
Yesterday in our WhatsApp group, with my brother and sister, my brother posted the Self Destruction video, and I was instantly transported back to my childhood. But an interesting phenomenon occurred, I suddenly saw that song through the lens of my adult eyes, and I realized that the ride to school was not just a jam session, but my brother, in his very wise gentle way, saturating his baby sister with positivity every morning. The prevailing themes of that song were about black love, unity, positive mentality, self-esteem, and valuing human life. Virtues that I hold dear to this day. It was my brother’s unique way of imparting knowledge and value to an impressionable child.
It is so interesting how the experiences of our childhood are so different from the memory of it. I now look back at things that I hated as a child, with eternal gratitude and appreciation for my parents. There is a running joke in my family that you cannot be asleep once the sun has risen. It is something my grandparents instilled in their children, who instilled it in us; the value of rising early in the morning and starting your day with intentionality. It is something that, as an adult, I still do to this day. But the child in me did not enjoy those 6:00 am mornings. The child in me didn’t enjoy having to layout my uniform and pack my school bag the night before either.
The child in me did not enjoy the structure that our parents raised us in or the rules we had to obey. One of which, was only being able to watch limited television while having an endless supply of books that we were “encouraged” to read. I didn’t enjoy the chores that we were each assigned (nor the punishment that was levied if we didn’t satisfactorily complete them). The child in me, could not appreciate my parent’s obsession with our education, or the sacrifices they made to send us to the best Schools. There was no other option except doing your best and getting good grades. We never missed school, always arrived early, prepared with all of our books and materials. If we did not have homework, homework was given to us. College: it was not even a discussion, it was an expectation.
Now, as I reflect on my childhood, through my adult lens, I can now appreciate the chores, because the chores taught me responsibility and the value of completing a task in an excellent manner. The pocket money that my parents gave us every Sunday, for the week, and told us not to lose it or spend it all in one day, taught me how to budget and manage finances. The books opened my mind and ignited my love for reading. Preparing ahead for the next day was the ultimate six sigma course in self-discipline, time management, and organization; skills that I have long mastered. The focus on education was the seed my parents planted that matured into the forest of knowledge that I have attained. Showing up prepared, on time, and focused on the task ahead is a skill set that has laid the foundation for my professional success.
I would like to invite each of you to reminisce on your childhood, not only on your experiences but through the lens of your adulthood. No one has had a perfect childhood or perfect parents, neither thing exists. Our parents did the best that they knew how, with the resources that they had. I entreat you, especially, if you had a difficult childhood to view the hollow places of your pain, to sit in the secret spot of your trauma and see it with a new vision.
Everything that happened in your childhood, whether good or bad, crafted the person you are today. You survived it, you transcended the torment; alive, whole, and gifted. You emerged stronger, wiser, and better. I am a firm believer of the mantra, if it was allowed to happen to you, then it can be used to minister through you. It is your healing that manifests the power to heal others.
To quote Dorthey Law Nolte: "Children live, what they learn. If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn. If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight. If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy. If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty. If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient. If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence. If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate. If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice. If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith. If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself. If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world".
I pray that your childhood has brought you positive lessons, if it hasn't, it is never too late, to nurture, love and parent yourself. It is never too late to revive that little girl, that little boy, and teach yourself all the lessons that your parents did not give to you. To give yourself affection and acceptance they didn't.
Our lives are a journey, with each new day bringing a new lesson. The lesson that I want you to hold onto today and every other day that follows is to live life limitlessly.